The other day I had a friend
over for dinner; our guest thought because I have 3 little kids we were going
to sit in the living room and watch TV while eating dinner. I explained that in my house we always
sit at the dinning room table. TV is off and no phones answered! It’s our bonding
moment and can make for the best memories that can last a lifetime.
This was a tradition in my
parents’ home and I will continue it in my home for as long as I can. When I became a single parent I swore
that I would keep the tradition alive no matter what. It was weird at first, there was no adult to talk to, and
the kids and I kept looking at that empty seat. I wanted to keep the tradition alive but I didn’t want it to
be a sad, painful moment for my kids and I, so I used to set an extra plate
just to pretend that seat wasn’t empty and that daddy was just running late.
Eventually, we got used to it and that extra plate was no longer needed. That’s
where I put the flowers now.
For dinner, I always set the
dinning room table, for breakfast we eat in the kitchen. Sometimes I let them
help me prepare the meal or simply set the table. We all sit down at the same
time and no one is allowed to get up until everyone is done and “you have to
ask mommy to be excused.” Once everyone
is served we all get a chance to talk about our day. We also talk about table manners, including what to do about
food they don’t like (“Eat it anyway”) Then I share my dinner memories of when
I was a kid. NO TOYS ALLOWED at the table.
Many say it’s impossible to
do this everyday because of after-school activities, late
workdays, and long commutes. I have experienced every single one of these and I
have always managed to have my family sit down at the dinning room table for
dinner. If you want it, you will make it happen no matter what. It’s about
priorities and values.
Research is beginning to show that eating as a
family has great benefits for your children and teenagers.
"One of the simplest and most effective
ways for parents to be engaged in their teens' lives is by having frequent
family dinners," says Joseph Califano Jr., chairman and president of The
National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University (CASA).
CASA recently reported on a national phone
survey of 1,000 teens and 829 parents of teens. Eating dinner as a family
helped kids in many ways. It helped them get better grades, and kept them away
from cigarettes, alcohol, and marijuana, and more.
Researchers have found all kinds of
intriguing educational and ethnic patterns. The families with the least
educated parents, for example, eat together the most; parents with less than a
high school education share more meals with their kids than do parents with
high school diplomas or college degrees. That may end up acting as a
generational corrective; kids who eat most often with their parents are 40%
more likely to say they get mainly A's and B's in school than kids who have two
or fewer family dinners a week. Foreign-born kids are much more likely to eat
with their parents. When researchers looked at ethnic and racial breakdowns,
they found that more than half of Hispanic teens ate with a parent at least six
times a week, in contrast to 40% of black teens and 39% of whites.
Here are 8 reasons why you
should try to sit down together 5-6 times a week, whether for breakfast, lunch
or dinner.
Reason #1: Communication and Well-Being
Conversations during the meal provide
opportunities for the family to bond, plan, connect, and learn from one
another. It’s a chance to share information and news of the day, as well as
give extra attention to your children and teens.
Reason #2: Model Manners (and more)
Family mealtime is the perfect opportunity to
display appropriate table manners, meal etiquette, and social skills. Keep the
mood light, relaxed, and loving.
Reason # 3: Expand Their World…One Food at a
Time
Encourage your children to try new foods,
without forcing, coercing, or bribing. Introduce a new food along with some of
the stand-by favorites. Remember that it can take 8-10 exposures to a new food
before it is accepted, so be patient.
Reason #4: Nourish
Meals prepared and eaten at home are usually
more nutritious and healthy.
Reason #5: Become Self-Sufficient
Children today are missing out on the
importance of knowing how to plan and prepare meals. Basic cooking, baking, and
food preparation are necessities for being self-sufficient. Preschoolers can
tear lettuce, cut bananas, and set the table. Older children can pour milk,
peel vegetables, and mix batter. Teenagers can dice, chop, bake, and grill.
Reason #6: Prevent Destructive Behaviors
Research shows that frequent family dinners
(five or more a week), are associated with lower rates of smoking, drinking,
and illegal drug use in pre-teens and teenagers when compared to families that
eat together two or fewer times per week. Even as older children’s schedules
get more complicated, it is important to make an effort to eat meals together.
Scheduling is a must.
Reason #7: Improve Grades
Children do better in school when they eat
more meals with their parents and family. Teenagers who eat dinner four or more
times per week with their families have higher academic performance compared
with teenagers who eat with their families two or fewer times per week.
Reason # 8: Save Money
Meals purchased away from home cost two to
four times more than meals prepared at home.
Research on family meals does not
explore whether it makes a difference if dinner is with two parents or one or
even whether the meal needs to be dinner. For families whose schedules make
evenings together a challenge, breakfast or lunch may have the same value.
Are you able to have a
family meal everyday?
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